God's Glory, Our Pursuit

Over the summer and throughout this semester I became exposed to the self-sufficiency and self-centeredness that dwells within. Jesus' words to his disciples in John 15:1-11 has become etched upon my heart and something that I have for countless times meditated upon. Jesus says this to his disciples:

I am the true vine, and my Father is the vine dresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes

away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.

In this passage three things are evident: Christ is the true and only vine, His Father is the vine dresser, and we are the branches. Also, there are two types of branches: those who bear fruit and those that don't bear fruit. What determines whether or not a tree bears fruit? The one who abides in Christ and Christ in Him is the one who bears fruit. Why was is it vital for his disciples as well as for us to bear fruit? It was vital for his disciples as well as for us to bear fruit because it glorifies God. This is seen in verse 8 where Christ says, "By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples." One of the marks of being Christ's disciple is bearing fruit. In Romans 7:4, Paul says this in reference to dying to the law: "you also have died to the law through the body of Christ, so that you may belong to another, to him who has been raised from the dead, in order that we may bear fruit for God." We have been crucified with Christ so that we may bear fruit for God thus bringing Him glory. Sadly, I have heard various preachers of the Gospel beckon their hearers to receive salvation so that their hearers may have the best marriage, or receive financial blessings, or receive healing, or have a guilt free, easy life. Yes, God graciously can bless us with these things. However, this must not be the grounds of our discipleship and allegiance to Christ. Our hearts have strayed from the sheer essence of the Gospel if we consider these following statements to be the God-breathed and inspired truth found in the riches of His Word. God's glory rather than our glory was Christ's life pursuit, and may it be ours too. So, how can we glorify God and prove to be his disciples? How are we able to bear fruit for God? How do we abide in Christ and Christ in us? The answer to these questions is found in the first half of verse 10 where Jesus says, "If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love." We are able to glorify God and abide in Christ through the keeping of His word. God's glory and our abiding in Christ and Christ in us in the keeping of His commandments is evident through bearing fruit. In this endeavor to glorify God, our hearts can be encouraged because Christ came to earth in the flesh and is our example. This is seen in the second half of verse 10 where Jesus says, "if you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in His love."

While meditating on this passage, a deeper cry stirs within. May I know His word more-- may my knowing His Word be coupled with doing. May my life pursuit be that of Christ's, God's glory. Truly, a wretched, wasted branch am I, one that is thrown into the fire, if I do not bear fruit nor magnify His name. Anything produced in my own strength is unable to magnify the Father of Glory.

Father, would you grant us the undeserved gift of not just knowing your word, but understanding your word; the strength to not just hear your word, but to do your word. Instill in us the unwavering conviction to despise the glorification of self. Rather produce in us a heart that is wholly, unswervingly, and unconditionally devoted to glorifying you. Father, would the words of Christ in John 15:1-11 be found to be evident in our lives today and forevermore, Amen.

I will depart with you the words of John Piper

"Seeing his glory forever is the greatest gift he can give to us. Praying and dying that we might have this gift is love. Resolving to fight with all our might that we might see what he died to show-- that is a great honor to Christ."

Growth

For a few days I had to go home due to my grandmother passing away. This trip back home that initially appeared to produce solely pain actually produced joy and growth in my life.

Going back to Pennsylvania for a couple days enabled me to rest which I rarely have had a chance to do ever since school and Washington. During this resting time, I learned that I must strive to never get to a place where I am burnt-out-like. Instead, I must always guard my time and view it as something pure and precious to my heart.

Furthermore, this trip allowed me to have courage to talk to my parents about several things that have been weighing on my heart for a very long time. Although scared at first to confess my feelings to them, a huge weight lifted off my shoulders when I did. God is truly doing a transformational work in my parents hearts as well as mine. Right now, I'm learning more and more about becoming a woman of God as well as being a godly daughter to my parents. The distance between my parents as well as the Spirit's work in my heart has shown me various ways that I can honor and love my parents more.

While being an intern in Washington, one of the things that the interns have been asked to do is to make a job description of what they would like to do this summer. Before coming to Washington, I already knew the areas of ministry I wanted to be exposed to, or so I thought. Between being on the plane and having a lot of time to myself in PA, God was disciplining me and gently showing me that I did not have the right motives in doing some of the things that I wanted to do. I thank Him for revealing these things to me! He truly discplined me in a way of love and birthed a desire within me to do the things that He has for me this summer.

This trip has filled me with an inexpressible joy, and I rejoice in Him for His continual goodness and grace in my life.

The Phrase

"What you feed grows, what you starves dies" would be a common phrase that I heard from my youth pastor while attending my youth group. She used this phrase pertaining to sin, saying that if one continually feeds the small desires of sin, the desire will gradually grow bigger and bigger, thus leading into deeper and deeper sin. However, if one consistently trains themself through rigorous discipline, the desires of giving into that particular sin will die.
While laying in my bed jet-lagged, looking like i'm undergoing some type of detox, this phrase became a resounding anthem pertaining to some things I am now experiencing.
Halfway through my first semester at Zion, God confronted me on some pride issues in my life. There appears to a process that goes something like this: sin, being exposed to your sin, the choice of staying in that sin or getting out of it, then (if you chose to get out of that sin), applicational steps to starving your desire to sin.
Right now, I am going through the last step (this does not mean that I have arrived, instead, I must continually starve these desires).
Today has been a day where I have thought of ways as to how I could discipline myself toward starving the lochness monster of pride in my life. I won't write in this blog the ideas I came up with (which aren't really my ideas to begin with, but some things I found in the Bible), but if you have any questions just let me know.
He has continued to be gracious to me, especially in this area of my life.
My prayer is to live a life of purity, humility, and holiness. Pride is the exact opposite of Jesus. "The great sin" is this lingering stench that contaminates everything it touches. The only remedy for this stench is the blood of Christ.
I must rid myself of my narcissistic tendencies and embrace the same humility as Christ.

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, an comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore, God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. --Philippians 2:1-11

Rest

As I'm sitting in the middle of Sea-Tac airport at gate s-9, I am once again reminded of God's sovereignty in my life. The tune "Your Love is Strong" by Jon Foreman plays back in my mind and the book of Philippians continues to become illuminated in my everyday life.
In the midst of unnamed pain that is occuring in my life right now His grace continually enables me to rest in Him.
I'm overwhelemed as I look at all the unfamiliar faces that are in this airport. Some are sitting by themselves, meanwhile, others are sipping a cup of Seattle's Best Coffee with a friend. There are some who look happy; then, there are those sitting off to the side who look sad and broken. I am overwhelmed by His love for me. In the midst of a million diverse faces, He continues to single me out, drawing me near to Him. I am simply tip-toeing the depths of His unconditional love.
I sit in this airport alone, withdrawn from all who I hold dear in my heart as I journey down a painful and unavoidable road. In the midst of this, I pray that His word continues to be a lamp to my feet and a light to my path as I rest in Him for these next couple days.

The phrase, "his mercies are new every morning," resounds in my mind as I'm writing this blog and contemplating on His goodness.
These past couple months, I have struggled with the question "what does women in ministry look like?" as well as "what does a women's role in marriage or a relationship look like?"
Now, I must reaffirm to you I do not have any plans on marriage during my college journey at Zion! But, I have been exposed to these issues in some of my classes at school.
Once again, I say that His mercies are new every morning because He has given me an immensity of grace as I wrestle with this issue.
For a few weeks now, I am realizing that the answer to these questions is suddenly beginning to unravel. I'm observing women of godly stature who continually demonstrate authentic humility during my experience at Olympia, WA. I continue to see this picture in my head. I see an anchor that is starting to sink down and cling to this desire that I have tried at all costs to avoid.
In all transparency, I have always desired to be a godly person, but not necessarily a godly women. There has always been a part of me that cringes when I hear terms such as "women's ministry," "girls night," and so on.
Rebellion to these following things as well as being a mother, having kids, and being submissive to their husband has gradually consumed me. But, this is sin. I must be conformed to the stance that the Word takes on this instead of trying to have the Word conform to my fleshly desires.
I must submit to being a godly woman and die to my rebellion and pride in this area. There is joy in this, joy in knowing that I am glorifying God in this area of my life. Oh how I have compromised God's joy for my own joy, which in actuality really isn't joy, but the end product is baggage and suffering that He never wanted me to originally have. On the contrary, the pain and suffering that is involved in becoming conformed to His Word results in joy, His joy which surpasses my own.
Nailing this sin to the cross will initially bring immense pain as I shed the skin of my "own" will and fully clothe myself with His will. I stand before an audience of one and will only answer to Him at the end of my life. He truly knows me. Such reassurance I receive when I think of Psalms 139:1-18, which is what I will leave you with.

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
You hem in me, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.

Where shall I go from your spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,"
even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.

For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.

Feeling the Heat

This week my mind has experienced information overload! But, this appears to happen on a daily basis.
All that I have believed to be true, things that I have been taught since my childhood is undergoing major testing right now. I feel as if all my "beliefs" and "traditions" are undergoing a time of refinement. This process as you can imagine is extremely painful and it offends my pride. Sometimes, these feelings and thoughts appear in my mind attempting to convince me that I am only moving backwards. But, I must deny these thoughts because their voice is contrary to truth. Ironically, truth says that I'm moving forward. Truth is telling me that this experience is not spinning me backwards. Instead, I am being propelled forward.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith--more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire-- may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls."
--1 Peter 1:3-9.

The Baton

I feel as if my mind is turning into mush due to all the information I am learning at a very fast rate! Consequently, I will be writing many blogs!! During my experience at Zion and at ECC one thing I have been learning about more and more is the baton of leadership. The baton of leadership that I am speaking of is when the time comes for one to pass on their roles and responsibilities in leadership to someone else, especially in ministry. This can involve passing the baton from one person to another, or even on a bigger-scale from one generation to the next. I have been exposed to the tension that arises when the baton is passed from individual to individual and generation to generation.

First, I will talk about this being seen from individual to indivdual. This summer I am challenged that when the time comes for me to leave Olympia to pass off all that I have learned to someone else. From my observations in ministry, I have seen some pastors or different leaders poorly pass the baton of leadership to their successor. An example of this is seen when a pastor or leader in ministry centers their entrusted ministry around themselves and their own personality rather than the Gospel or their community. How selfish and arrogant is that! Yet, how easy it is to do this especially in a society where this is so prevalent! Some examples of this is seen in sports organizations where a David Wright or Jose Reyes are deemed the face of the NY Mets. Or, how Miley Cyrus/ Hannah Montana is the face of disney. Centering an organization or ministry around specific personalities only brings temporary success and is extremely risky! What happens if David Wright or Jose Reyes have long-termed injuries? What happens when Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus grows up (which is already starting to occur)? Today I have sat and pondered this for over an hour. In all trasparency, the pride that at times wars within wants the students at staff at ECC to feel the effects of my absence in August. How ugly my flesh can be! However, God's grace enables me to yearn for a ministry that is Christ-centered and to desire a smooth pass off of the baton of leadership to my successor in all areas of my life! Our pride and arrogance wants us to grasp the baton with all our might! Our pride and arrogance wants others to feel the effects of our absence! Our pride and arrogance wants to create a ministry that is self-centered and personality driven! But, Jesus is earnestly crying out for those who will center their entrusted ministry around Him and His sheep. Let this continue to be the cry of my heart these next 3 months as well as all the days of my life.

Furthermore, I am seeing the reluctance and fear of one generation passing the baton of leadership to another. This is especially seen in the pass off of the generation that is in their 40's to 70's to my generation. (to be continued)